Baby Mama - 1 Beer

Old lady picks old lady to be surrogate mother. I didn't buy this turd for a minute...and I like Fey. The jokes are obvious, though the effort is clearly there. I expected something smarter and edgier, got neither. Too bad for me.

Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day - 3 Beers

Mary Poppins set in the 1920s. Well written/acted with an original storyline. I'm not a big fan of the 'Fargo' gal, but she knows how to pick a good film. A surprisingly un-negative film for once. Enjoy.

Hell Ride - 1 Beer

Biker gang gets gangland. I knew this was going to be bad at 1:20 when a biker talked about an nihilistic nightmare. I like QT and his efforts, which is why I saw this despite what the reviewers said. I should've listened. Lots of bosoms, though, which is strange for modern b-film.

You Don't Mess With The Zohan - 1 Beer

Israeli military man wants to cut hair. The first 25 minutes of the film was quite funny, the rest left off. I will continue to rant about Rob Schneider and his black/yellow/red/brown-face characters. Yes it's offensive, but forget that...it's not funny. I'll accept offensive, as long as it's funny. Forgettable, but not as bad as people have said.

Star Trek - 5 Beers

The prequel of ALL prequels. I'm a casual fan of Star Trek (TNG), but I got most of the allusions. The characters were nailed down perfectly. I finally feel like movies are catching up with the quality of my imagination. If you are an über fan, you'll see things that chumps like me didn't get. I know these sorts of things.

Where In The World Is Osama Bin Laden? - 2 Beers

White boy tries to find Bin Laden and fails. I appreciate the effort, but this dude's got a heavy hand. Pig fisted. Makes Michael Moore look like a blind girl scout. Westerners are lame and the mid-east is misunderstood...maybe...maybe not.

Feast II: Sloppy Seconds - 3 Beers

The saga continues. Probably the 2nd most bloody movie I've ever seen. None of it makes sense, which is what adds up to be a pleasant little b-movie. Rent it if you're pleased with the little things in life...gore, teeth, and silly fear.

Wal-Mart Bingo

The United States of World

Smart People - 0 Beers

English profs fall in love with the strangest people. Likely the reason why I rented it. Smart people trying to avoid their tendency to be juvenile r-tards. Maybe I hate it because it reminds me too much of myself.

Sleepwalking - 3 Beers

Failed mom (Theron) ruins many lives. A cold, white-trash drama. Works best as a Netflix rental, particularly if you're in a dramatically depressive mood. The movie has little plot, but bathes itself in American cynicism and failure. I has me a Master's Degree!

Mother Of Tears - 0 Beers

A female The Omen meets the country of Mexico. Tons of super high drama with no payoff in story, imagery, or acting. I like watching movies that are SO scary, they're not scary at all.

Heavy Metal In Baghdad - 4 Beers

Read the title. I'm worried that the words 'Baghdad' and 'Beer' will get me killed in a Fatwah...or is that a Jiihad? You've got to love a country in which musicians could be killed for growing their hair. Insightful. The music sucks, but I really love the heart.

Encounters At The End Of The World - 3 Beers

Nature film, nicely shot. Ahm geeting tie-ud of Vernur's ahk-scent. It's too intrusive. Only a narcissist would hobble his film with a deeply German accent. He's treading dangerously close to Errol Morris territory...in which the director is more important than the film.

Mongol - 3 Beers

Son avenges the murder of his father. Good visuals, solid Western narrative. Why are the only Asian films I see 'Period Pieces.' I know contemporary films are being made, but why don't they get mainstream Western appeal?

Billy The Kid - 4 Beers

Odd kid tries to live life. This is a superior documentary. The kid seems both dangerous, loving, pure. You've never seen a kid, or a film like this. One beer down: When I looked for a follow-up (myspace etc.), all I found was the f-ing director using the 'billy/billy the kid' cache to promote herself. Couldn't find a thing about him.

Heckler - 4 Beers

Jaime Kennedy kicks back at hecklers. Not perfect in the 'story,' but brings up the issues of mother ferking hecklers interrupting comedians. I pay good money for a night out and someone is yelling and ruins the show. Like going to a Van Halen show and having a drunken guitarist play loudly at the same time. STFU people.

Taxi To The Dark Side - 5 Beers

Arrested Afghan taxi driver ends up dead. Arrested by Americans...did I mention that? Insightful look America's policy on torture. On Republican Tax Day(???) I'd like to throw the Republicans a hi-five for condoning a 7 year un-winnable war and only getting upset because the current president is spending money on something else. Pro-life!!

Modify - 2 Beers

People ram metal through most everything on their body. Go ahead, turn your back into a Converse Hi-Top, but don't expect me to not think you're a jack ass. Don't even get me started with the condescending 'I-rammed-a-hoop-through-genitals-so-that-makes-me-better-than-you' attitude.

Chicago 10 - Where's The Waiter??

Film about the 10 agitators at the Chicago Democratic Convention in 1967(?). Got about 1/3 through and realized I just didn't care. Didn't care...and I like history.

Snow Angels - 3 Beers

Estranged husband/wife and young love in a small town. The grown up story (Hello, Kate Beckinsale!!) was far more interesting and believable. Sad to watch people try to do the right thing and fail at almost every turn. I'd say it's worth the rent.

Chapter 27 - 2 Beers

Jared Leto gets fat and kills John Lennon. A good character study that really fell short on narrative. It was hard to tell if I was watching an interpretation of the facts or if it were more fact-based. The later would be cool, but the artsy approach really messed with that dynamic.

Funny Games (07) - 5 Beers

Remake of the German original...in English. This is a virtual shot by shot remake of the original. Super stylish and post-modernism. I saw this version first (hello, Naomi Campbell!!) and can't tell which is better. You tell me. Still just as hopeless and empty. Cue music.

Funny Games (97) - 5 Beers

Upper class family violently tortured and brutalized. It's in German, so enjoy the read. Rarely comes along a film as successfully hopeless as this...think A Clockwork Orange. So angry, so negative. You've never seen a film like this. Cue the music.

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World - 3 Beers

The original cannon ball run. I heard a comedian say don't bother unless you've seen this film. I don't buy that. This was clever and classy, but not particularly funny. Have you recently seen 'Seven Year Itch?' Comedy. Funny? Not even close.