Black Sheep UR-4 Strings

When rabid sheep attack. When this originally came out, it was simply eviscerated by the critics. I really enjoyed it. Darkly comedic and entertainingly horrific. Plenty gory (think ‘Braindead’) and clever in a British humor sort of way. If you like the genre, go for it. It was funny watching sheep go mental on people.

Deep Water NR-3 Strings

Documentary of a foolish man who tries to sail around the world. Way out of his league, he was. Couldn’t spend a ton of time on him, as he was dead, but did follow the damaging effects on this sailor and others like him who live alone on the sea for nearly a year. Powerful at times, minimal at others.

Forgetting Sarah Marshal R-4 Strings

Guy gets dumped and tries to cope. Critics are raving about this, but my theory is that people are simply tired of crap comedies, and are stunned when a real comedy taking place in reality comes along; lots of one liners and dirty jokes. Oh, and plenty of full frontal male nudity. Very funny, but not brilliant.

The Heartbreak Kid R-2 Strings

Guy marries and falls in love with someone else on his honeymoon. I understand this is a remake, but don’t quote me on it. Not particularly interesting or unique. Remember ‘Bedazzled?’ It’s a lot like that without the selling your soul to the devil stuff. Guy wants what he can’t have. All I want is a good film.

Joshua R-2 Strings

Kid freaks out his family. Part psychological thriller part horror, complete failure. I don’t know if the kid had any powers (Damien style) or if he was just plain weird. Rent ‘The Omen’ instead. As you know, only the filthy rich have bad children like this.

September Dawn R-1 String (B)

Film about the “------ Mountain Massacre” that occurred in the 1800’s by fanatical Mormons…Mormon fanatics? Who’d have guessed? I initially rented this because of its historical significance, but was quickly embroiled in a Romeo and Juilet-like love story about characters not nearly as interesting.

Balls Of Fury R-2 Strings (B)

The underbelly of the Ping Pong world vs. Jack Black look alike. Entirely moronic, BUT absolutely no worse than ‘Beerfest’ or any movie of that ilk. Reviewers seemed to dook on this film, which isn’t that good, but if Beerfest is allowed, you have to let this one in.

Shoot ‘Em Up R-0 Strings

Guy takes care of baby (I’m not kidding). Plays more like a Jason Statham movie. How the directors got Clive Owen and Paul Giamatti, only God in Himmel knows. One blindly stupid gun scene/impossible scenario after another. It’s so bad, it’s almost comic.

The End Of Suburbia UR 3 Strings (B)

How the suburbs will die because of its reliance on fuel. Very cynical view of the end of modern society. Though some of the film’s 2004 opinions have come true, the movie’s makers don’t account for human greed. Before watching this, watch ‘Who Killed The Electric Car,’ ‘America: Freedom to Fascism,’ ‘Maxed Out,’ ‘An Unreasonable Man,’ ‘No End In Sight,’ ‘The Fog of War.’ Your random Wal-Mart documentary…Shall I continue? If you've seen the others, not a lot of new territory here.

Game On...

I'd like to extend a mighty middle finger to the California Highway Patrol. I hope you all die of terminal baldness and painful shrinkage. I was pulled over today for listening to my iPod on I-5. I haven't had a ticket in over 20 years. The c-sucking cop spent 5 minutes looking in his book for the actual law to write on the ticket. According to the ticket I was driving 60mph in a 65. Ticket for speeding? Tailgating? Too slow? Too fast? Unsafe lane change? Swerving in the lane??!!

NO!!!!

Like a selfish prick, I'm wearing headphones so my pregnant wife could sleep quietly while I drove!! Are you f-ing kidding me?

Yes, I'm fighting it.

The Hammer R(??)-4 Strings

Washed out boxer finds love and his heart. I’m not sure why this got an R rating, other than the 70s-style racial humor. Clever with lots of one liners…so many that you’ll want to see it again. Has a ton more heart than a film of this stereotypical ilk. Worth seeing in the theater, if it's playing where you are.

Sweeney Todd R-4 Strings

The daemon barber of fleet street seeks revenge. Get past the musical business, and this is an interesting tale with a few annoying plot distractions. Helena Bohnam Carter? Bohnam? I hardly knew ‘am! A bloody bloody film with Tim Burton’s neo-gothic style abounds in all of its grim beauty. A very worthy rental.

First Snow R-1 String (B)

Guy visits psychic, psychic sees something bad but won’t tell guy. Guy goes on circuitous mission to figure out how he will one day die. Sound dark? Not really, it’s more of a love story. A love story with Hollywood actors, so it feels more real, I suppose.

Once PG13-4 Strings (B)

Struggling musicians find love and music. I was ready to absolutely hate this film. Pretentious Europeans and their artsy songs. I’ll go out on a limb here and venture that even my parents would like this movie. After having seen the film, I understand why this movie won song of the year over ‘Enchanted.’ Songs really felt a lot like Radiohead. In that light, my brother would even like this movie.

The Nanny Diaries Pg13-2 Strings

College grad becomes a nanny and exposes the vacuous nature of the upper upper class. Didn’t really know if this was a straight comedy or commentary. It was, however, all chick flick. So ladies, go ahead. Fellas enjoy Scarlett Johansen…I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it, but she’s on my list (though NOT because of this movie).

The Namesake PG13-3 Strings

Kumar assimilates in America and struggles with his identity. Touching and banal is the struggle between tradition and modernity is both timely and outdated. Timely because it involves someone of middle east descent, outdated because it’s the same story of everyone (EVERYONE) who comes lives in America. I asked myself “why the crap did I rent this nonsense,” then Jacinda Barrett shows up, and I remember why I put it on my netflix.

Generic blond interviewed by washed up journalist. Sienna Miller is clearly supposed to be generic 'beautiful' Hollywood (Paris Hilton et al). The two go from drunken attraction to physical revulsion...ugh. The real prob is that Sienna Miller (the Beauty) is simply pretty. She could serve me a burger at Applebee’s and I wouldn’t know who she is from the girl at the other end of the bar.

The Wendell Baker Story R-3 Strings

Con-man makes good after trials and tribulations. Tried hard to be a Wes Anderson deal, which is all good, but like most things, only Wes can pull a Wes. That said there were a couple of out loud laughs for me, and Eva Mendez is very easy on the peepers. Here’s to hoping the Owen brothers get another chance at making another movie.

Chicken Little G-4 Strings (A)

Reviewing older movies that I’ve seen and haven’t included to this point. I’ve gotta tell you, my daughter loved the music in this movie…Queen and REM. Cute movie, silly pop references and cute storyline about a boy trying to connect with his dad…yeah, it’s fiction. Jen fell asleep…still hasn’t seen the entire movie.

The US vs. John Lennon PG13-2Strings

Doc about “how the US gov’t started a file on John Lennon.” At least that’s what I thought it was about. I felt like it was more about how Lennon was a part of or influenced the ‘60’s. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: anyone who doesn’t think Yoko Ono didn’t break up The Beatles is an absolute tool…of the highest order.

In The Valley Of Ellah R-3 Strings

Son dies in Iraq, father investigates. Above average film, presented averagely. Remember those films in which a crime happens in the military and everyone works very hard to cover it up, but it eventually becomes uncovered (A Few Good Men)? This movie is just like it.

King Of Kong NR 4-Strings

A documentary about who the best Donkey Kong player in the world is. It was loads of fun watching super geeks go at it on this next to impossible video game. One of the guys (the Mennonite) would play to assert his skill any where any time. The strange hair guy sent in a video tape. Though conspiracy abounds, my vote is for the Mennonite.

Rescue Dawn R-5 Strings

Pilot shot down in enemy territory prior to the start of the Vietnam war. Incredible film in which director Werner Herzog rarely steps in…which is rare in itself. This is based on a true story, and you will find yourself impressed by the force of will and wonder (as I did) if you too could survive such conditions.

The TV Set PG13-2 Strings

Behind the scenes on a TV set. I’m getting really tired of the David Duchovny disaffected long star. All of his characters since leaving the X-Files have been dissociated victims by pushy people presented as nothing but goofy nimrodtards. Everyone’s lame but David and his audience.

Helvetica NR-1 String

Documentary about the famous font. I expected a tongue-in-cheek flick about the origins of the font. Instead I got one boring interview after another about ‘everyone uses it.’ Look! This advert uses it…it’s so modern…they even use it on billboards! Don’t you love the clean lines?! Apparently everyone does.

Double Dare PG-3 Strings

Documentary about female stunt doubles. Plays out like you’d expect it to. What’s really tragic about this is that as these gals age, they lose work. Most female action stars (Xena, Linda Carter) age out of their action roles and are replaced by young chicks. Ironically female stunt doubles spend a ton of moolah on plastic surgery…not to look good, but to stay employed.