Pathology-3 Strings

Like ‘Flatliners’ for a modern age. My brother and I were sort of indifferent to this one. Good, but we didn’t care lived or who died. On the whole, not believable, which makes it more of a rental romp than anything else. It’s off the path so it gets a bit of a boost on the score.

Wanted-3 Strings

Secret society of contract killers train a new fella. Lots of eye candy and action of the most unbelievable sort. It’s actually weird seeing Angelina Jolie smile. It occurs to me that she doesn’t do that much. Plenty violent. A movie made for simple-minded dudes. One string up for a new Danny Elfman song (Oingo Boingo/Jack Skellington).

Dark Knight-5 Strings

Batman has problems and is depressed. Actually saw this opening weekend…I’ve got two new jobs, so forgive my tardiness. Good to see the joker doing what he is supposed to do…act crazy and violent. 1. Batman’s low ‘manly’ voice is lame. 2. Maggie Gyllenhal is disturbingly appealing. Beyond that, perfect film. Not like you haven’t seen it yet.

Gabriel-3 Strings

Fallen angel sent to earth to redeem the planet. My brother liked this one more than I. A lot like ‘Dark City.’ I am a little annoyed by Biblical movies that don’t adhere to Biblical principal. You haven’t seen a film like this. Not perfect, but plenty violent and follows a sci-fi angle.

Zombie Strippers-4 Strings

Strippers turn into zombies (duh). Lots of bosoms, so be prepared. My brother and I laughed quite a bit during this film, which included lots of social commentary and camp. You’ll have to try hard to find a copy, but if you are into zombies and into camp…this one is for you. Fun film.

Things We Lost In The Fire-2 Strings

Families suffer tragic loss via addiction. Something very sad about people whose lives are ruined by drugs. Plenty of naked in the film, but the story lacked a heart, or at least love. Fairly well acted, but I really didn’t care who lived or died…and there was plenty of both.

The Ruins-2 Strings

Hot people dying. My brother has said it before…if you’re going to make a survival film, the people on film had better well try and do everything they can to survive. I thought this was a monster film…turns out the real problem is that plants are the killers. Ben Stiller was a part of this…probably paying back a favor for a friend.

Chalk-1 String

Teachers work hard. Only people who haven’t taught would think this film is any kind of accurate. There is an element of accuracy here, but everything lacks the kind of perspective of 1. People who teach, and B. people who’ve been in classes and paid attention. Not as real as it’s trying to be.

August Rush-0 Strings

Young kids are undiscovered musical prodigies. I hated the movie the first time I saw it when it was called ‘Across The Universe.’ Generally, kids are brilliant and adults are just a failure of that innocence. I’m telling you, you won’t buy any of this tripe. The money should’ve been spent on something better.

Awake-1 String

Guy is ‘awake’ during surgery, then betrayed. I saw this plot happening 40 minutes before it occurred. The movie relied heavily on plot twists, which feels false every time. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Jessica Alba is one of the worst actresses in the world…asexual and uninspiring.

Stop-Loss-3 Strings

Man fulfills his contract to the government, then is told he cannot leave, because there are no more troops to replace him. Tried hard to find its way between teen angst and social commentary, failing on both. It DOES cover a little known policy of the military…screwing its most loyal subjects for the sake of itself…shocking, I know.

Hellboy II-4 Strings

Hellboy fights the bad guys, again. It’s at least a renter. Bigger budget, better effects. I’ve never followed the actual graphic novel. As such, there seemed to be a lot of prepping for a sequel, though I have no idea where the story is going to go. It’s funny and manly. Go ahead boys, enjoy.

Atonement-2 Strings

Beautiful people caught up in wealthy scandals. This story was hard enough to deal with when I read it in my ‘Contemporary Fiction’ class during graduate school. My recommendation? Unless you want to be depressed by a period piece, skip the movie AND the book.

Vantage Point 3-Strings

President is shot, but seen from many angles. Clever plot twists as the story slowly reveals itself. The graduate student who wrote this should be lauded for her/his cleverness. Worth renting…I can affirm you that much.

Diary of the Dead 1-String

Zombies attack people. I, Duhliterate, call you out, George Romero to assert why this movie is ANY kind of good. Your characters spoke in cliché, 40 years after ‘Night of the Living Dead,’ and no one in your movie seemed to even know what a zombie was, you were didactic with your assault on news media/public consumption of it.

You get NO PASS from me on this film. The remake of ‘Dawn of the Dead’ was better than this one. Poorly acted, poorly written. George, build on the stories of the past, and don’t act like this is the first zombie film ever made.

Disagree?

Prove to me that this was a good film.

The Hunting Party 3-Strings

Fact-based story about searching for Sarajevo killers. Good story that was a little too clever with the subject of genocide. At the end, the movie tried to impress with a conspiracy about why we can’t capture a simple maniac. Interesting to note that one of the characters sought after in the movie was just found. I'd spell it, but there aren't enough consonants on my keyboard.