Paranoid Park - 1 Beer

Kid kind of kills a guy. I'm sick of 5 minute 'slo mo w/ music' shots. Some people hate white people, I hate extended single takes. Another movie about super hot/cool/smart/perfect high school kids and the ultra lame adults around them? "I sleep skate, wear trendy clothes, sleep with virgins, accidentally kill people/get away with it...and I'm 15 years old." Bull crap, says I.

The Bank Job - 4 Beers

Based-on-reality story of a bank heist in London/somewhereintheUK. Sure Statham can really only play one character, but in this occasion it actually works for him in a way that will attract intelligent women. Rent this one with confidence...I've been doing this for a while.

Run Fat Boy Run - 2 Beers

Schlub runs marathon to win back his super hat girl. For a 'British' film not that funny, but for an American movie, not that funny. Some laugh out loud scenes, but this turned into a predictable romantic comedy by about minute 27. Good visual humor.

Constantine's Sword 2 - Beers

Doc about Christians and anti-semitism. I've gone to church my whole life, and I've never EVER heard a single negative statement about Jews. Ever. This film worked hard to push the Catholic angle. I've never heard a sermon blaming Jews for Christ's crucifixion. For Protestants, it's always been a matter of prophecy, not ethnicity.

Blackhawk Down - 4 Beers

Based on a true story. Blackhawk gets shot down in Somalia. Soldiers eventually die in a wicked street fight trying to stay alive. Above average film of an absolute cluster f. Welcome to war, kids.

Galaxyquest - 4 Beers

Star Trek/comicon farce. Saw this a while ago, never wrote about it. Really funny, which is virtually extinct in the sci-fi genre. Flew under the radar because it's a little too insider for typical viewers...jen would hate it. I rather enjoyed it.

Redbelt - 3 Strings

Karate Kid (Adult) in New York. I'm sorry to be hating so much lately, but it's hard to watch a dramatic version of a child's film. I didn't buy the karate-will-settle-it-all being worked by adults angle that was being worked. Sorry.

BTW, I have a Brown Belt.

Married Life - 0 Beers

???

Wow. SSSLLLOOOOWWWW!

I tried to figure how this showed up on my Netflix cue...

Then Rachel McAdams showed up. Well at least that part makes sense.

The Forbidden Kingdom - 2 Strings

Asian fighters doing martial arts. Any time Jackie Chan shows up, you lose all credibility as a serious film. Everyone else tried to sell the film, but Chan's character continued to break the 4th wall (ask a drama teacher)...wow...he's drunk and fighting...wow.

60 Spins Around the Sun - 1 Beer

Doc about a comedian who becomes an activist...

Yeah, it's that good.

Leatherheads 2 Beers

The NFL gets started. I'm starting to wonder if Clooney can really play two characters: Drama Guy and Goofy Guy. Sorry to hate right now, but Rene Zellweger is one of the most unattractive women in H'Wood...and I'm ugly. She's pretty enough, but not as a leading lady...the wall...it has been hit.

Young @ Heart 3 Strings

Old people sing songs. Fun watching geezers sing and live a little. This wasn't as good as the other critics said. I'd like to take a moment, as the son of a choir director, there is nothing more lame than watching a dude wave his arms randomly and call it directing. It's annoying...that and the lame choice of music.

The Fall - 0 Beers

???. Visually spectacular. Perfect. It's like watching and M. Night movie without a clear story. A fairy tale for adults that become a beautifully odd and SLOW MOVING spectacle. Go ahead, try and watch it...prove me wrong.

Eagle Eye - 1 Beer

People controlled by...computers. I was with this flick the entire way. Billed as the 'Next Generation' of action thriller films, but falls flat when we discover that a computer is behind it all. Not a cabal or cadre of power players...a computer. Oops. Spoiler Alert!

Death Race - 2 Beers

Convicts drive their way out of prison...or do they?? With a dumb movie like this, the writers were really trying too hard. Shawshank meets Fast and Furious. Lots of eye candy (hooray for hot women prisoners), but a little slim on anything resembling reality.

Burn After Reading - 0 Beers

???. I have no idea who the protagonist is (look it up). Everyone was overacting, like in high school theater. Lots of stunt casting. I'm John Malcovic and I'm going to act like a freak. I'm Brad Pitt and I'm strange. I'm George Clooney and I'm weird. Everyone so it's obvious that they are trying too hard.

Clone Wars - 3 Beers

The Star Wars saga continues, right in the middle of one of the episodes (I'm not sure which). For non-fans, don't bother. For fans, it's another chapter in the WTF is Lucas thinking book. I really felt like I was watching video game footage, which makes this one at least tolerable.

Hancock - 3 Beers

Disaffected superhero makes good...just like me. It felt autobiographical for me. The movie you see isn't quite the movie you went to see. Charlize Theron...hubba hubba. A fine film that is quite different than what is normally put out. For that reason alone, go check it out. It's different. Do it.

X-Files (The New One) - 1 Beer

Nothing otherworldly here. I spent the most of the film wondering where the 'action' was. Lots of talking between Sculder and Mully...LOTS of it, but when the action that made the TV show famous kicks in, you find yourself in the last 10 minutes of the film. Literally.

War, Inc. - 3 Beers

Commerce and media in a middle-eastern war. Cusak put this one out himself, which I admire. Aside from its didactic intent (look it up), the movie isn't very strong. It's got lots of irony, which is easy, but when the 'glam' of war gets in the way of a contract killer (think Gross Pointe Blank), the film becomes a bit of a letdown.

Botched - 3 Stories

Guy gets stuck in a Russian hotel. It's like SAW or HOSTEL without the anger. It's gross and quite different without really being offputting. It's a good one for horror fans, but it's not really a horror film, so...

Enjoy

Standard Operating Procedure - 5 Beers

Doc about Abu Graihb. You don't know the whole story. Watch as the USA, the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, advocates wholesale torture and incarceration of untried people. I'd see this one again. This torture, it should be said, was pushed at the highest levels of American government. What a shame.

Doomsday - 2 Beers

Post nuclear survival of the fittest film. Who knew that acting would still be this bad in the distant future? One beer up for dropping the Adam Ant AND Siouxsie Sioux in the soundtrack...that almost made the entire film. Plenty gross and if you have Netflix, go for it. Otherwise, pass.

Body of War - 2 Beers

Doc about the sacrifices of one soldier to the Iraq war. Sad, but suddenly seems outdated...another example of the uselessness of this sinful and Godless war. But again, I'm trying to be positve.

The Other Boleyn Girl - 2 Strngs

Anne Boleyn's sister...something about a boy and King Henry/George who wanted a son. If you really care, you'll actually like this film. If you don't, as I, you'll find it a bit of a disappointment. A period piece that lacks a contemporary motive. The two sisters are cute, though.