Movie Review: Time Bandits PG-2 Strings

a fun movie, back when little people were a novelty (1981). some silly moments that just havent withstood the test of time. a little whiney...even by brittish standards.

When Planets Collide

star jones and rosie...ive always wanted to know what happens when two black holes come together. yahoo reports:

Rosie O'Donnell is expected to make a surprise return to daytime television by taking over exiting Meredith Vieira's slot on the talk show "The View."

finally, the view will soon be off the air. nothing kills a show faster than a militant lez. passive, funny and ugly (ellen degeneres), we can accept. no lipped, hitler haired, jersey accented? forget it.

"I'm Rich...I Have An Opinion!"

is it me, or is she getting more and more annoying? bbc reports:

US actress Angelina Jolie has praised UK Chancellor Gordon Brown for backing a campaign to boost global education.

ill go on record as saying that she's not that hot. dont get me wrong, she cleans up real nice, but i see a mighty big wall in her future. of all of the things that are wrong in africa (and yes, there are many MANY things wrong), i would put education lower on the list. sure education is good, but machetes, night-children and corruption i think are a little more important. no?

Rap=Fights

who knew that bravado and misogyny led to violence? entertainmentnews reports:

After members of Snoop’s group were turned away from the prestigious lounge they allegedly became abusive towards staff after which Snoop lost it and champagne bottles started to be thrown about.

id like to hear the news title: rap group stages huge love-in (will smith not involved). that mustve been a pretty good fight. londoners know how to mix it up, what with all that soccer nonsense. i had never seen so many missing teeth on grown adults. i cant wait til the video comes out.

Movie Review: The Adventures Of Baron Munchausen PG-5 Strings

what a terrible name for a movie. a real delight. its along the lines of princess bride, though you wont want to watch this with the youngins. remember this is PG back in 87 when PG actually meant something. good clean fun. really outstanding, even by todays standards.

HW: Eng 252 4/25

read remote control pg 567
type up bibliography

Movie Review: Ned Kelly R-3 Strings

solid movie about a famous australian outlaw. neither a bad nor good film by any stretch of the imagination. heath ledger and orlando bloom both do well with the accents, though the pace is pretty slow with it all. good period piece...really terrible beards.

Can You Get A College Degree In 'Obvious'?

who knew that public school teachers were right? washingtonpost reports:

The event, organized by multi-millionaire entrepreneur Russell Simmons, mixed stars like LL Cool J, Alicia Keys, Nas and T.I. with financial experts to provide advice on home ownership, budgets, credit cards and other financial issues.

you mean to look me in the eye and tell me that cisqo, and mc hammer and michael jackson dont have an endless supply of cash?! i think its funny how it takes rap stars saying whats been obvious to those of us who actually work for a living that 'the money wont always be there'. its like junior high all over again. a bank account is where you save money. real estate is a sound investment...or my name isnt 'duh'.

Movie Review: Friends With Money R-2 Strings

something about the generation just prior to mine that is drawn to these kinds of movies. the big chill, st elmos fire--filthy rich people whose lives are terrible and cant seem to pull together a positive day to save their lives. so depressing and hateful, though not in the good/tragic way. my mind felt like it had been dragged through the mud. never mind the fact that this film has jennifer anniston and the word 'friends' in the title.

Turns Out, She DOESN'T Know How To Act

go back to your day job. telegraph reports:

But the critics have not been kind. The New York Post's front page read "Pain In The Rain". The headline inside was even worse: "Julia's 3 Dull Days Of Rain A Soggy Eternity".

nevermind that she's been playing the same character since 'pretty woman' (yes that includes erin borkovorch), it appears as though julia roberts had no idea how pretentious and condescendingly hateful drama types can be. time to go back to easy roles in lame movies for big paychecks (hello, king kong 2).

What's The Opposite Of The "Midas Touch"?

maybe eddie van halen wasnt the real problem. mtv reports:

CBS Radio is about to an nounce the long- awaited - and much predicted - demise of Da vid Lee Roth's radio career, says the Associated Press.

its not that i like to see other people fail to make myself seem bigger (because i do), but i saw this cheesball molding way before it actually happened. why doesnt anyone hire and fire me? i could use the money.

What Is Love?

ive been looking for a photo like this for a month. neworleans reports:

The whole world wants to know about the rumors of a "Brangelina" wedding in Namibia, not to mention the chances that the first biological child of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie might be born in Africa next month.

forget about that nonsense...was i the only one who saw him with the longer hair and thought he looked like a cast member for night at the roxbury?? im so glad that ive finally found the one hairstyle that looks bad on him. exciting because i still cant find the one haircut that looks good on me.

World Awaits Terrible Album

time to pay for some legal bills. forbes reports:

Last week, Michael Jackson agreed to restructure his finances in a deal with Sony

sure its cheaper to live in the mid-east, but the beatles just arent paying like they used to (what with only 2 of them still alive). i expect this album will have all the dynamics of an ant bomb (or soy bomb, as the case may be). culturally irrelevant, and reflecting mj's tiny tiny world.

Men Need Not Apply

one small step for women, one giant step backwards for men. canada repots:

Rocker Melissa Etheridge and her wife Tammy Michaels are expecting twins.

i like how people can now circumvent nature and pretty much do whatever the crap they want. im also irritated at the condescending, im-more-open-minded-than-you attitude that these people give out to us 'regular folk'. if i make time with some goats, does that make me more open-minded than you? what if it was a few goats?

"The Surrey With The Fringe On Top"

performances of oklahoma just got a little funnier. telegraph reports:

A spokesman said: "Both mother and daughter are doing well," adding that the couple "joyously welcomed" baby Suri, who weighed 7lbs 7oz and measured 20ins.

i was worried for a while that the name suri wouldnt have any inherent humerous qualities. no doubt they thought they had gotten away from the name suri being made fun of (apple, moses), but they had no idea that they were against the brilliance of duhliterate. now sing with me everyone...chics and ducks and geese better scurry when i take you out in the surrey, when i take you out in the surrey with the fringe on top...

Movie Review: The Machinist R-5 Strings

amazing movie. stunning. pay attention, because at the end youve got to put 2+2 together. christian bale is amazing...schindler thin. at the end you find out why. very ucommon movie. see this. youll have a new appreciation for bale.

Movie Review: Domino R-1 String

im starting to wonder if its just me. frenetic, obtuse and lacking any certain narrative. "one string?" you ask. "keira no shirt," i answer. two thumbs up? i say seven toes down. edgy like a twinkie.

Movie Review: In Her Shoes PG13-2 Strings

want to prove that you love your girlfriend?? endure this two hour (+) movie and your devotion will never again be in question. this movie is so full of sexist stereotype that pat robertson would be offended. very little in the film makes sense (like this website).

Vacation...

sorry for no updates. im chilling on my ever-expanding rear while on vacation.

Movie Review: The Ice Harvest R-1 String

at some point im going to start charging you for all the money im saving you in rentals. this film tries (and fails) to be pulp fiction, the usual suspects and e.t., though it never comes close to any of it. some funny moments to be sure, but not enough to be memorable. Lord i cannot wait until my netflix list is down to 25 films.

I Have A Headache THIS BIG!

american idol just got a little more interesting. people reports:

Paula Abdul filed assault charges with Hollywood police on Tuesday against a man who allegedly slammed her into a wall, the Associated Press reports.

i think this is a move for more painkillers. i cant wait to watch her rant intelligibly at everyone around her. now this is the paula i fell in love with so long ago.

Brittany Still Holds Her Title

48 days? he's more hollywood than you thought. people reports:

Eminem, 33, and Kim, 31, were married on Jan. 14 for the second time, and the rapper filed for divorce on April 5.

personally i never really saw him so volatile. i thought the whole angry mom-hating thing was just a front...like ice cube and his college degree that no one seems to know about.

She's Got Katie Couric Eyes

so, i dont know, perky. yahoo reports:

Katie Couric is risking her television legacy to leave NBC's "Today" show and anchor the CBS evening news as a new poll shows that people would rather watch her in the morning.

im going out on a limb here (and i know this will upset the oprah crowd), but katie couric annoys the hell out me. you wanna know why? its her eye make-up. that black only on the outer edges makes her look like a doe-eyed simp.

Lamelicca Limson 'Lamewatch' Labe

when at first you dont succeed, lame lame again. yahoo reports:

Blonde bombshell Jessica Simpson may be sliding into her red one-piece for a starring role in the big screen adaptation of Baywatch.

id like to reprise the role of abject failure. sure im blond, sure im hot, but really...no one is actually listening.

Movie Review: Cry Wolf PG13-1 String

lame. hot people die at the hand of a killer as creative as the vietnam war. while i cant say i figured this one out at the begining, i can say that the ending is convoluted and over-worked. a former professor of mine once warned us of overworking the simile...this is that sort of film.

Sometime You Feel Like A Nut...

smells like cha-ching spirit. tmz reports:

Courtney Love, the much troubled widow of Nirvana's Kurt Cobain, has reportedly sold 25% of her more than 98% stake in Nirvana's catalog of music.

good to see that nirvarna means as little to courtney love as it does to me. i could never understand why people cared so much about this band, and its finally good to see that i wasnt alone. nirvarna vs pearl jam?? i pick pj...at least they arent feeling the love.

...Sometimes You Don't

at least hes got his priorities straight. yahoo reports:

"First the baby, then the film," he was quoted as saying. "Then, in summer, we want to get married. I won't let this woman get away."

i gotta be honest...im not interested in any of it. the more 'normal' he is, the more uninterested (and self absorbed) i become. film second, marriage last: is it possible that tom cruise is living the american dream?

Movie Review: Flightplan PG13-2 Strings

this must be what amnesia feels like: lots of it makes sense, but there's something very important missing. at 50 minutes into this film, i had the sneaking feeling that i didnt have some very crucial information. lots of talking, lots of action, and absolutely no information. the critics were right on this one...not worth it.

Movie Review: Girl With A Pearl Earring PG13-3 Strings

nuanced and artistic. a local poet and former instructor of mine, jean janzen, based a book of poetry on the art of dutch painter jan vermeer...both realists of the first order. lovely movie. slow, but lovely. johanssen absolutely channels the 'girl'.

Green Lame

the music industry is just begging for ridicule. reuters reports:

Punk rock rules with America's youngsters, who voted Green Day their favorite group at the Kids Choice Awards on Saturday.

pink, will smith, lohan, jack black and green day...its like a collage of irrelevancy. you know youve really made it as a band when preteens and their parents accept you. speaking of, should any of these people really be around kids (aside from will smith)?