Movie Review: Edward Scissorhands PG13-4 Strings

one of the few films in which winona looks great. a little cliche and simple, but visually unique and beautiful. fall in love with simplicity and tragedy once again. rent this flick.

Movie Review: Havoc R-4 Strings

sure ann hathoway gives up the goods. the real problem: while trying to portray the foolishness/stupidity of whites fronting in the hood, it fully reinforces the negative stereotypes of street. by trying to prove idiocy, this film only supports stereotype.

Perky Is The New Annoying

but will you respect her in the morning? nydaily reports:

A one-time high-school cheerleader and college sorority sister, Katie Couric had plenty of practice for her "perky" post on NBC's "Today" show.

scientifically speaking, can you still be perky at her age? is it actually possible? lets go ahead and drop the perky thing. that personality trait really went out of fad in the 80s when reagan became president.

Pass The Dutchie

jah must be rolling over in his grave. eonline reports:

The heiress turned actress turned singer has finally spilled some details on her forthcoming album, telling the June issue of Hong Kong's Prestige magazine that her musical debut will cull from the worlds of pop, hip-hop and, uh, reggae.

no doubt she'll be drawing from her years of street cred, growing up in the projects and eating tons of fried food. how do you convince hilton that even though no one is going to her seriously, she should still release the album?

Movie Review: Shopgirl R-4 Strings

well its official...claire danes in on the list. this had all the makings of a flawless, tragic film. all the pieces were there, but the focus was off, and misses the real heart of the story: the tragedy and beauty of love. as the newest inductee of my list, id like to address claire if i may: im an independant, funny and lovely person. please contact me at: duhliterate@gmail.com or phone me if you like at: 559-265-9922
thank you.

Movie Review: Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle R-5 Strings

dont bother watching this film unless you went to college...way too many smarts for such a silly film. either i am like this, or i know too many people exactly like this. then again, maybe its the munchies talking.

Even Satan Can Quote The Bible

what a moron. channel4 reports:

Madonna said: "I don't think Jesus would be mad at me and the message I'm trying to send. "Jesus taught that we should love thy neighbour."

id like to say that im offended, but she would know right? after all, madonna is Jesus' mom...and mother's usually have a pretty good feel for their kids.

Quality Is Job None

i hear david hasselhoff was in the audience, and cried at the verdict. i love this country. lest you think america is full of superficial hypocrites, we voted for the ugly dude, rather than the hot chick...once again, we've proven france wrong. way to go people. way to go.

Lame Karaoke Jam

this show is the reason why people are downloading music illegally. buffalonews reports:

It was Katharine McPhee, Taylor Hicks and three songs each for all the marbles on the final competition of "American Idol" Tuesday night.

ive said it before, i'll say it again: its only a karaoke show.

Madonna's A Slag!

when your career is sagging, start attacking Jesus. cnn reports:
Later on, she donned a crown of thorns and suspended herself from a giant mirrored cross to deliver the ballad "Live to Tell." Video screens showed images of third-world poverty and reeled off grim statistics.

seriously, shes been doing this for years. i really think this sort of thing should be outlawed, and not because it's sacreligious, but because it's cliche!! offend religion, oooh that's so edgy. no really, it's way out there. totally original.

Duhliterate Site Passes 5,000 hits!

check the book of revelation, this may be a sign of the impending apocalypse.

Don't Miss The Season Finale Of 'Probation'

it must be really annoying to have a one-trick face. yahoo reports:

Michelle Rodriguez, who served five days in jail in Hawaii last month for drunk driving, must serve 60 days for violating her probation

in every movie ive seen her in, she always plays the street thug angry snarling gangster/deathwish character. the fact that she can even get regular work in hollywood must surely anger a great many aspiring actors out there.

Movie Review: The Alamo PG13-3 Strings

this is another one that critics completely tore apart. sure the movie is slow and filled with extraneous sub-plots, but for a period piece, its fairly harmless. a little angry and hamfistedand hyperbolic, but these days, what isnt?

Movie Review: Aeon Flux PG13-3 Strings

im getting tired of unchoreographed fight scenes (scenes that show blurry extreme close-ups)...they seem cheap and a waste of time. that said, charlize theron looks amazing in her outfits. this film came from a cartoon that used to run on mtv back when that channel still had a shred of integrity. hard to translate this one into a movie. ok job for a saturday night.

Movie Review: Tape R-2 Strings

the entire movie take place in a hotel room on freehand 'documentary'-type cameras. sure its arthouse and has some indi cred, but the piece feels improvised...all done by actors not particularly adept at improvisation.

Movie Review: We Don't Live Here Anymore R-1 String

one of the most depressing movies ive ever seen, and not half as daring as it tried to be. i really dont know how i end up with these films, but somehow i do. naomi watts (good times) is stuck in a small-time story live of infidelity that wouldve been daring in the 70s, but is now just a depressing view of modern america.

Prohpecy: Book Burning

reading is dangerous: it gives people ideas...and you know what ideas lead to, dont you--dancing! reuters reports:

"The Da Vinci Code" has undermined faith in the Roman Catholic Church and badly damaged its credibility, a survey of British readers of Dan Brown's bestseller showed on Tuesday.

i really think the only solution is to start wholesale book burning. i know hitler didnt invent it, but her certainly popularized it. the quote is funny...a movie giving the Church a bad name. wasnt the spanish inquisition or the protestant reformation, or pervert priests...it was the davinci code that's making them look bad.

Com On You 'Tards, It's Just A Movie

somebody alert the muslims, becuase they've got some competition. spotlight reports:

The premiere of the controversial movie adaptation "The Da Vinci Code" was boycotted by hundreds of Catholic in the Indian city of Mumbai.

i think its best catholics/christians start a riot and really show the muslims how we westerners put the smackdown on things we don't like. get a pitchfork, grab a torch and lets hit the streets. time to stand up against ignorance and misinformation.

Edward Signature Hands

sure he'll sign an autograph, but he still wont return my calls. earthtimes reports:

A new list released by the Autograph Collector magazine on Friday says that the star of the "Pirates of the Caribbean" is the number one autograph obliger.

i really want to hate the guy. everything seems to work in his favor...a principle which apparently runs contrary to my own worldview. handsome, wealthy, good autograph signer. i gotta admit, he's got more going for him than rush limbaugh does.

Movie Review: Wicker Park PG13-2 Strings

this movie is a complete rip off of 'single white female' and 'sliding doors' two off-beat and potentially lame films. this is a fine movie, about love and crossed wires...blah blah blah. kind of like 'garden state' without the affect.

Movie Review: Envy PG13-3 Strings

you can do a lot worse than this one. ironically, this one got turded on when it came out. i figure that was because this film isnt as slapstick as most expected it to be. its a fine movie with only a couple of laughs, but nothing that much to really hate here.

Movie Review: Young Adam R-2 Strings

somehow this got recommended to me. gads what a crappy film. ewan mcgregor basically beds every single female he meets. there wasnt a single woman he met whom he didnt bag. i can tell you this much: obi wan is 'uncut'...full frontal a la harvey keitel. sure this won awards, though for the life of me i dont know why.

How Much For A Hummer?

gm drops the anchor. cbcnews reports:

General Motors will drop the gas-guzzling Hummer H1 at the end of the 2006 model year, the automaker said Friday.

9 miles to the gallon...do you suppose you can get to hell on a full tank? because if you drive one of these cars, i have a feeling that that's where youre going. perhaps the discontinuation of this car for public use will be one less reason for militant muslims to hate us. perhaps.

'Nuts

a rolling coconut gathers no moss. eonline reports:

The Rolling Stones want everyone to know that Keith Richards hasn't suffered any brain damage

after all the drugs and crap that this guy has put his brain/body/liver through, I cant imagine a funnier end than death by coconut. i wonder if theyre going to start planning a farewell tour any time soon?

Hit [It] Baby One More Time

i bet she looks hot in a mumu. usatoday reports:

After weeks of speculation in celebrity tabloids that Britney Spears, 24, is expecting her second child

it appears that k-fed was more than happy to oblige. i bet she's going to name this one after some snack cakes..."twinkie, let me borrow a dollar," as k-fed dutifully responds, "yeah, twinkie, give ho-ho a dollar."

What's Love Got To Do With It?

poor kidman reaching for some sagging coattails. yahoo reports:

Nicole Kidman says her divorce from Tom Cruise was a "major shock" and, she still loves him.

cruise is really living out the whole dr. faustus thing (selling his soul to the devil). im starting to think that tom has really played out the top gun/risky business angle. i want to say he's a chump, but on some level, i think i would do the same. ultimately, im completely torn.

Movie Review: Black Hawk Down R-5 Strings

i was re-watching this on cable, so i know its a bit late on the review side of it. the best part about living in america and being a protestant is knowing that, in the end, people will be paid for their wrongs against others. if youve ever wanted a reason not to be president, this film is it. shame, shame, shame.

Movie Review: Hostel R-1 String

dont believe the hype with this one. it reminds me of a book i read by peter straub (koko). i didnt like the stupid/jock americans in europe stereotype. ive been to amsterdam, and the 'dam' in this film looked more californian than anything. gross, sure...scary, no. ive stayed in hostels...i know scary.

Movie Review: Fun With Dick And Jane PG13-2 Strings

shouldve named the film 'lame with dick and jane'. i feel bad for jim carey...he's a unique talent in mainstream movies, and he deserves better than this. it might be interesting to know that this is a remake of a film done in the 70s. predictable and forced, all the way to the end.

Movie Review: Mayor Of Sunset Strip R-5 Strings

if you like documentaries about how things get done in hollywood, this is your film. completely fascinating. rodney, a virtual nobody, found and created the california sound in music. pushing the boundaries in so many ways. great film.

Movie Review: Westworld PG-2 Strings

what surprises me most about this movie is that it was written and directed by michael crichton. after having seen i, robot, this film isnt very strong. it is very slow. a novel idea, that i predict will one day be remade, and it will be made much better...sorry, yul.

Movie Review: OT: Our Town NR-4 Strings

documentary about a drama production in compton california...thorton wilder's 'our town'. a story about middle america in a place decidedly un-middle america. good story, a little heavy on the cliche, but sure beats fake versions of inner city kids that hollywood puts out.

Marginally Attractive People And Their Troubles

maybe this is the reason movies like friends with money are made. eitb reports:

Regarding her new romance with Bon Jovi rocker Richie Sambora, Richards says they hooked up only after Sambora broke it off with her former friend, Heather Locklear.

its pretty sad because theyre all more or less middle-aged (not that theres anything wrong with that) and theyre acting like theyre living on 'temptation island'. in fact, thats the official ruling on all of them: not that hot...not that hot.

Enough Already

when will it end? usatoday reports:

Die-hard Star Wars fans soon can see the original theatrical versions of the first three Star Wars films on DVD.

i predict that this sort of thing may very well go on for the next several decades. i cant tell you how many versions ive been suckered into, thinking that this was the 'ultimate collection'. directors edition...gold edition...platinum edition...remastered edition...widescreen. well george lucas, you are hereby put on notice: no more whoring my childhood for a few more bucks. not a penny more of mine will be put into this. its not my fault you 'pulled a matrix' on the last three films.