The Foot 2.0

Two photos, extra cheese.

Movie Review: Jeepers Creepers R--2 Strings

my only fierce complaint about this one, besides not being very scarry, is that this movie is absolutely SLOW. the movie chariots of fire was faster paced than this one. like stuffing in turkey, the slow camera work just seemed like a way to kill time. sure, there was a coolness to it, thats why i gave it 2 strings, yo.

Movie Review: Old School R--5 Strings

in a further effort of convince yall that im not a hater, i submit that old school is one of the finer movies made. people who know me are irritated because i cant stop quoting form this movie (youre better than that spanish...are you kidding me, old man river wont shut up about it)

"youre my boy blue...youre my boy."

sure this movie's intended for a more mature audience, but anyone who's been to college knows that high school is NOT the best time of your life; college is. period. this movie is a throw-back to the days when you could sleep in and skip class without any significant reprocussions.

"denver...the sunshine state."

the commentary track for this movie is just as funny as the actual movie.

Movie Review: Cabin Fever R--4 Strings

this movie is stunningly good. i anticipated the usual pandering and simple-minded disrespect for the horror genre. boy was i wrong. this movie nods so effectively at the artform, my hope for horror movies was vastly increased. i saw hooks from other movies included in this one: american werewolf in london, deliverance, dawn of the dead, house of 1000 corpses and a few others.

whoever made this movie clearly, in my opinion, tried to make a real horror movie out of it. whoever did the promotion for this movie dropped the ball on such a wicked level. people, horror fans in particular, should really enjoy this movie. a little slow in spots, but way solid. lots of gratuitous violence and plenty of stupid fun.

Movie Review: The Princess Bride PG--5 Strings

per a recent request for a 5 string classic, i submit the following:



let me first say, that i absolutely love movies. anything 3 strings or above is a positive review. naturally some movies are better than others. on a similar note, i was reading rolling stone the other day, and noticed how many bloody reviews were 3 stars...98% of them. being neutral is so boring. i try to cover all the strings on my reviews. check out the 'movie review' link on my web page for more info. on to the review...

this movie absolutely stands the test of time. pure, innocent, clean fun. its as funny now that i am an adult as it was when i was younger. the one liners here are absolute gold. publish your own in the comments section. GO OUT AND RENT/BUY THIS MOVIE! humor at every turn. this movie has andre the giant in it...what more can you say than THAT?

"Never meth with a thithilian when death ith on the line..."

"Stop it, I mean it"
"Anybody want a peanut?"

contribute your own lines...

Movie Review: Must Love Dogs PG-13--3 Strings

i am loathe to even tell you that i went to this movie. im ashamed. a romantic comedy, i know. that said, i love john cusack, and um as for daine lane um well i. um. um.

this was a cute movie, full of the usual romantic sillyness. a good movie to kill time, and i would say watchable by any reasonable male. i saw this in san louis obispo, and i was the only male in the theater. shows you how reasonable i am.

Movie Review: Ring Two R--3 Strings

naomi watts. well well well. this movie is a bit of a rehash, but there were some good frights. the deer scared the bejesus out of me. the frozen faces are a little goofy, but i can live with that. did i mention naomi watts. boy i hope i grow old THAT gracefully.

Movie Review: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory PG--4 Strings

i dont mind saying that my daughter was a little spooked by the movie. she thought the oompas were a little much, but she did like they way they danced. how cool would it be to have a name like deep roy? maybe people should start calling me deep duhliterate; or king duhliterate.

i am getting a little tired of the tim burton/johnny depp thing. its starting to feel elitist. 'im johnny depp, i can afford an island. i knew hunter s thompson and marlon brando...blah blah blah.

believe it or not, i actually do see movies without my daughter.

Movie Review: Valiant G--4 Strings

this movie was good times. disney is trying to fulfill its contract with pixar by burrying its last few movies...pixar/apple/steve jobs (little napolean) didnt renew its contract with disney. so disney is trying to keep things going. i was a little bummed that this picture had the same movies quality as shark tale...disney is usually a little higher quality than that. my daughter liked it, and there were plenty of silly laughs. the incredibles, however, was better.

Movie Review: Freddy Vs. Jason R--0 Strings

oh man, this movie sucked. i wasnt sure if i was supposed to be scared or laugh. i dont know if it was the girl from destinys child being in the movie, or the fact that the original of BOTH of these movies are so much better than this hack job. i love scary movies, my brother can attest to that, but this was so clearly studpid and thrown together. rent the original rather than see this crap. better yet, contribute the money spent in the making of this movie, and give it to some homeless people. at least THEY'D spend the money properly.

Movie Review: Thirteen R--2 Strings

there was nothing about these girls that was 13. let me also say this: 13 year old girls are never this aggressive...even with bad parents. note to hollywood: im getting a little tired of movies about disaffected caucasian teen angst. i lived through all of john hughes' movies...i know teen angst. nothing about this movie is very believable. sorry kids...stay in school.

Movie Review: March of the Penguines G--4 Strings

yeah, this movie is cute, yeah it is good. my daugther was bored with it. at least i tried. im not really sure how this became a movie, rather than just put it on the discovery channel. the theater was packed. front row at the imax...my neck still hurts.

my brother got his arcade cabinet done...friggin sweet. i cant wait to play it. check it out!

Movie Review: A Man Apart R--2 Strings

i swear to you, there is NOTHING funnier than listening to vin diesel narrate over a movie. dialogue and this dude simply dont get along. the movie was way violent, but i couldnt stop laughing every time he spoke.

Movie Review: EARLY REVIEW! Exorcist: Emily Rose

can someone please tell my why in the world a movie about demon possession is rated pg-13?!!! satan is so scary that anyone under 13 proabably shouldnt believe in him. how about we all go ahead and agree that, in general, 13 year olds should never leave the house, and NEVER be given enough money to go to a movie.

i mean really, i go to a rated R movie, and i see half a dozen 10 year olds and their parents. so why cant i see demon possession as an adult? for shame hollywood!

Movie Review: Wedding Crashers R--4 Strings

this movie shouldve been so much funnier. they spent very little time of the movie actually crashing weddings, which seemed to me like the best part of the whole deal. one of my favorite movies is old school, so i figured it'd be pretty hard to screw this one up. alas, i think everyone involved settled for a slightly above average movie...kind of like my own career. let me be the first to say that im glad to see the "return" of rated R movies. im over 30 dammit, show me some movies that shouldnt frighten 13 year olds (pg-13).

Mmmmm by Robbie R.



This work is licensed under a Creative
Commons License.

Introducing, The Foot

Movie Review: Pitch Black R--3 Strings

this movie is rated 'r' for reasons that arent entirely clear to me...unless you consider computer animated blood to be violence. i like big, loud, stupid movies, and this isnt one of them. in fact, i gave it 3 strings simply because the female lead in the movie is mighty cute. once again, im being shallow...geniuses have a way of doing that from time to time--it balances out the universe.

Movie Review: The Hours PG13 3 Strings

i hate that i sound like a sexist pig with this review, but man, this is a movie about three whiney women. so sorry. dang...get on some meds, like the rest of us. virginia wolf, clinically depressed writer of mrs. dalloway and others, drags us to the bottom of the river of her neurosis. sure, it was a 'good' movie, but so was madagascar...so thats not saying much.

Movie Review: Sundance Official Selections ('94) UR--4 Strings

watch as mini me prepares for his work as an oompa loompa in the willy wonka movie. 5 or 6 movies all about 20 mins each. short and sweet, like these reviews that no one is reading.

Movie Review: Vanity Fair--PG13--One String

oh man, this movie is wicked bad. i love it when movies that would barely float at 90 minutes are over two hours long. i felt like i was being witherspooned to death.

i flipped through some of the other pages and pretty much came to one conclusion...we're all writing these things, and no one's reading them.

we must all be morons...

A PAIR OF SHOES

Afternoons collect memory
Like wind chimes collecting sound
Or at least making sound
From the huffs of an old nature
Running again into the sweaty air of summer.

It is this time when the gray stone of this place
Turns nearly white, transcending the weight
Of history that makes the walls too dense
To receive any incoming cell phone calls,
Even through the rectangular windows;
Frames like Gilbert Stuart's repeated portrait
Of George Washington, and others.

I am not properly dressed for portraiture.
I wear nothing on my feet as a matter of fact,
Allowing them some separation
From a pair of black leather shoes
Still like two forgotten monuments,
Polished from many hands
Rubbing, rubbing, rubbing,
Until the blackness is as ghostly
As the transience of the evening light.


Joshua Osgood Lehman

duhliterate--a short note about lehman and his work:

he is a former student of mine, and has taught me much. a recent graduate of westpoint he will soon travel to iraq and 'pay' for his free education. God and fate will have him from there. he is a warrior poet--the only one i know. homer would be proud. he truly stands on the shoulders of giants.

Pork by Robbie R

This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License.

this is a picture of my dad and my daughter (the forhead on the right) on the buzz lightyear ride at disneyland.

we were there on july 15, the day of celebration at the park. the place was packed. though not until the afternoon, when the park stopped selling the 'day of disney' schwag that people waited for hours to buy (find it all on ebay). but i digress...every picture on every ride that my daughter was in showed just her forhead. not bad for only 4 years old.

so im listening to coldplays x&y and its growing on me. my boy andrew hooked me up, and im imipressed with the vibe. people keep calling them the new u2...yeah, no kidding, they sound just like them...throbbing bass, heavy percussion. duh.

how bout this one, we dont need another u2! hows bout one is good enough.

speaking of u2, ive found a site that has all of their shows mp3'd online, beg me for the address, and i might give it to you.