Animal Rights Activists Up In Arms

beavers everywhere are angry at stone's unfair portrayal of their species in such a bad movie. usatoday reports:

No doubt Stone was banking on the double whammy her sultry blond murderess offers. But some things are so much a product of their time, they simply can't be resuscitated.

for once, im in complete agreement with animal rights activists. somebody call peta!! i could never understand why anyone paid attention to her in the first place. nevermind the fact that she was tricked out of her bloomers to begin with. as i see it, see this movie and you may very well be toying with your eternal soul.

But Is It Anamatonically Correct?

come on, you know youre curious. people reports:

A controversial sculpture of Britney Spears – naked, life-sized and crouching as she is giving birth on a bearskin rug – is due to go on display as part of a pro-life exhibition.

based on this picture, the statue really looks more like a neighbor of mine. im glad liberal, open-minded, snooty artsy types are finally offended at something. its funny how a pro life brittany is being framed on a dead bear. tragic that the best argument that pro lifers came up with is 'brittany spears supports life, so should you!"

I Haven't Felt This 'Randy' Since Lancelot

stand and deliver! usatoday reports:

Welsh singer Tom Jones is getting used to meeting Queen Elizabeth II — but Wednesday was something special as she dubbed him, "Sir Tom."

three cheers to tom jones for bringing some much needed testosterone into the english conscious...after all that elton john, george michael business...well, you know what im talking about. lancelot is raising a thumb or three in his imaginary and non-existant grave. (look at me with the mildly vague king arthur reference)!

How Can I Miss You If You Don't Go Away? (Part 2)

i told you they werent going anywhere. msnbc reports:

The women of Destiny’s Child were back together for a brief moment to accept a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

i see density's child as the next lafitah (i mean, latifah), just slightly thinner and attractive. im getting a little tired of mediocre musicians making a carreer (and tons of money) from their mediocracy. im slightly above average too, am i getting paid for it? look into their eyes, you can tell they know they didnt deserve this.

Duhliterate Site Passes 4,000 hits!

and for some reason keira knightly still isnt returning any of my calls.

Movie Review: CKY2K UR-2 Strings

a skate video before the mtv shows. people acting wild back when that sort of thing was shocking. some funny moments and simple stupidity, though far too much skate footage for my ever-aging attention span.

Orcian Idol

who knew orcs could sing? yahoo reports:

The "Lord of the Rings" musical, touted as the most expensive stage production yet, met mixed reviews on Friday as critics applauded its leaping orcs and menacing dark riders, but got lost in the tangled plots of Middle Earth.

poor bilbo...he's short, has large feet, called a halfling, and now he's on broadway singing to smeagol about his 'precious'. middle-earth in song...something about it seems so 'hobbit'. one more reason to hate canada (if indeed you needed one).

Movie(s) Review: Visitor Q/Irreversible R-0 Strings

two different movies fight for ultimate depravity. i watched both films at 32X the normal speed, and that was at far too slow. please dont watch either, unless you enjoy the fact that the french are more depraved than the japanese. useless, like a nachos-bell-grande.

American Idol: Witty!

i wonder if seacrest thought of that himself? yahoo reports:

This season the online campaign has rallied behind 16-year-old Kevin Covais, nicknamed Chicken Little by host Ryan Seacrest for his passing resemblance to the bespectacled Disney character.

i also wonder if chickens are offended by that sort of thing. call the aclu (american chicken liberties union). the real tradgedy is that this kid has probably never had a decent nickname in his life, but at least people care/hate him enough to give him one. tragic comfort...terrible dignity. not that ive ever experienced that or anything.

Movie Review: Chopper R-4 Strings

this is one of the worst titles in film. stars eric bana...the guy who played the hulk. did you know he is from australia? its about a notorious criminal--very violent and the language and all. its an interesting movie considering all of australia was once a penal colony. its also got plenty of humor, aside from the fact that its weird hearing a guy who sounds like the crocodile hunter swear. the flick has also won some awards (if youre impressed by that sort of thing).

Movie Review: Red Eye PG13-2 Strings

what started out as clever and interesting ended up as trite and lame. im here to tell you that 'die hard' was a better movie than this one. die hard. this flick tried to do some interesting things, but just couldnt pull it off...poor beautiful people.

$300K For A Haircut

who can i sue for male-pattern baldness? bbc reports:

A family from the Mescalero Apache tribe is suing the producers of a Steven Spielberg TV series for cutting their daughter's hair for the show.

finally, the native american indians are grabbing on to what is truly the american dream...litigation!! education, property ownership, taco bell? that's so 1776. stick it to the people with the scissors, thats the american way!

President Veruca Salt

by long-term, do you mean long john silver's? latimes reports:

Bush Urges U.S. to Take Long-Term View Toward Iraq

i like how the military plan seems to be more about obstinance than any sort of action. at least when i step in dog doo i have the common sense to wash my feet (rather than invite my friends to stand in it with me).

Feel The Love

congratulations to josh(ua) osgood lehman, 2nd lieutenant usarmy, future poet laureatte, and now, husband!

thank you to the new york city visitor(s), sorry we couldnt get together. but as ive always said, you know where to find me!

cheers.

duhliterate

Movie Review: Dummy R-5 Strings

this movie is outstanding...finally a romantic movie that isnt completely lame. its got an R simply because of the mouth of mila jovovich (or however its spelled). adrian brody doing his own ventriliquist work. good good bloody fun, especially if you have an ounce of romanticism left in your cynnical body.

Movie Review: At Close Range R-2 Strings

the best part of this movie is christopher walken; he is in prime form: vocally all over the place, almost to the point of making no sense (kind of like this here website). other than that, its a bit of a bore. im this close to not watching any movie dated between 1971-1992...two decades of marginal movies.

Movie Review: V For Vendetta R-5 Strings

astounding movie. i dont see this one really translating well to a small screen, so i recommend you catch it in a theater. wicked, timely and appropriate. the worst part of 60s and 70s 'radicalism' is that now only entertainment seems organized enough to protest the politics of the day. in that sense, this movie is a tradgedy...a beautiful mess.

Movie Review: Back To The Future PG-5 Strings

id beg you to find a better movie of this kind. i dont want to sound like a grandfather and start complaining about 'kids these days', but movies like this arent made anymore. simple and fun. everytime this movie is on cable, i watch it like an absolute tool.

She's A Republican?

she's as punk as the sex pistols. yahoo reports:

"We went back and forth, and we could never get the details worked out," said her father and manager, Joe Simpson. "When it became obvious that it was not just a state dinner, it was more of a fundraising event, that is the wrong purpose of why we are here."

whats with bush and all the musicians...he must think he's bill clinton. i like how a fundraiser doesnt really cover her demographic. the above quote kind of begs the question ive been asking for years: why are you here?

Microsoft Users With Faster Whining

now you know what its been like for mac users for the past, oh, say...25 years! m&ctech reports:

San Francisco - Bill Gates, the world's richest man, has poured scorn on a revolutionary new 100-dollar laptop designed for the world's poorest children, sparking off a storm of condemnation in cyberspace.

us mac users have been saying this since forever: sure ours are more expensive, but they're better. welcome to the club microsoft users. hold desperately to your obstinate pride, like the rest of us.

HW: Per. 3-6 3/17

tkam ch 10-11

HW: Per. 1 3/27

finish act 1

Kanye West To Star In Movie

i wonder if the movie will have a gun in it. mercurynews reports:

West will also appear in the film, a multi-perspective look at life in the U.S. through the eyes of West and various writers and directors.

i predict that the movie will debut at number 1, proving, without a doubt, that "george bush hates black people." i envision the film as a real rainbow, a cross-section if you will, of american life. kanye really seems to have his finger on the pulse of the country.

Movie Review: How To Kill Your Neighbor's Dog R-3 Strings

i rented this movie because i actually have a neighbor with a dog who may one day die unexpectedly. i hoped this would be a kind of homework/research movie. alas, it was not. it was a clever film, though i recommend it only if youve graduated college, and are considering some form of a graduate degree. its a bit heady with lots of inside literary referrences.

Latest Inductees: Hall Of Lame

why on God's green hearth is the music hall of fame in ohio? is there a single thing of worth in ohio?? rolling stone reports:

Skynyrd, Sex Pistols and late Miles Davis also honored in surprisingly feisty ceremony

(and surprisingly lame) im bummed that the pistols may actually be right in this whole mess. forget roe v. wade...hows about common sense v. r&r hall of fame. you know, ohio...home of the...NOTHING!!! north dakota, you now have competition.

Music Review

i havent been moved by a song like this in years, and im thinking somewhere in the decade range. find/buy/download/steal the 'denial twist' by the white stripes. yeah i know that band irritates me too, but this song is remarkable. minimalist and full of emotion. it reminds me of the led zep when they didnt suck.

Irrelevant Actor Has An Opinion

after all, hes only saying what the rest of us are thinking. yahoo reports:

"I don't know about Brad Pitt, leaving that beautiful wife to go hold orphans for Angelina," Douglas snipes in GQ

im kind of starting to feel bad for brad...she's got him carting those kids all over God's kingdom. thats part of the reason why im convinced that jolie may actually be the antichrist. shes got powers...powers. an how about the dig on orphans...somebody call little orphan annie.

Movie Review: Lord Of War R-5 Strings

this is a superior film. shame on hollywood studios for giving this a lame title, and for tossing the movie in the can. nicholas coppola, i mean nick cage is one of the most underrated actors of our time. he has a serious inability to pick good roles (con air). he's trying hard for the C list...youve got to admire that in a man. see this movie.

Movie Review: Saw II R-3 Strings

the original of this movie was absolutely incredible...silence of the lambs incredible. this movie, though stylized and dark, is not up to the level of the original. your first clue is donnie wahlberg and a whole cast of B and C movie regulars. lots of twists, some of which i figured before the movie even went there. the needle pit was the worst of the lot. look for saw 3. (the making of a franchise)

Movie Review: Corpse Bride PG-4 Strings

this movie played like an oingo boingo video. lots of skulls, lots of color. beautiful to watch. so beautiful, in fact, that the storyline kind of falters. its not as rock solid as nightmare before...i hope tim burton is around for a long time: no one is making movies like this (no, wallace and gromit dont count).

Movie Review: MirrorMask PG-4 Strings

when i first saw the movie spawn i thought 'now this is why God invented computers'. when i saw the matrix, i said the same thing. this is the latest installment of that line of thinking. an uncommon film of the second order...a little thin on plot, but visually surprising. like alice in wonderland.

It's All Greek To Me

not as handsome as youd think. yahoo reports:

The musician Yanni was arrested at his home after an alleged domestic dispute with his girlfriend, authorities said.

im not really surprised by this. piano players are really volatile people...all those notes, using both hands. its a disaster waiting to happen...that and the fact that he's greek.

Rap Wins: Nation Confused

setting rap back as an artform at least 8 years, a rap act won an oscar for best song. i think it's also worth mentioning that the majority of america (roughly 97% of it) couldn't understand a sinlge thing any of them said beyond 'thank you jesus' during their acceptance speech.

somebody call spike lee and school these fellas. as long as the grill looks good, who really cares, right?

Movie Review: The Aristocrats UR-5 Strings

you have never ever seen a movie this vile and foul. this film makes team america look like sesame street. truly funny, just dont watch it with any sense of personal morality or compunction (again with the big words). blindingly funny.

No Gold On Brokeback Mountain!

turns out race, not gender preference, is what really interests people. ap reports:

The Academy Awards were down 10 percent from last year's ceremony, based on preliminary Nielsen Media Research ratings from the nation's 55 biggest markets.

for the second year in a row, racially themed movies gain the attention of oscar voters. i hope you all realize what this means...'stealth 2: madea's revenge'. or perhaps 'how big mamma got her groove back'. opie loved the movie crash; well, her head size just got a bit larger.

Movie Review: Timeline PG13-1 Strings

the dude who is on the cover of the poster above (i know not his name) seems to always play the cocky/angry go getter. im seeing him in more movies than id care to admit. this film combines an interesting story with characters i care nothing about. plenty of overacting as well. 14th century science fiction isnt really my idea of a good time.

Someone Tell Her That Her Steroids Are Showing

self-effacing humiliation is so 1997. yahoo reports:

Bonds entertained and delighted a small gathering of fans and teammates Tuesday by dressing up as Abdul to judge the San Francisco Giants spin-off of the hit Fox show "American Idol," called Giants Idol.

what a novel idea!! cross-dressing in san francisco! there are several thousand cross-dressers in the bay area who are absolutely flamed right now. once again, the popular jock gets all the credit and love for doing something that other people have done for decades. just goes to prove, jocks are followers, not leaders (and certainly not role models).

A Forehead Like A Movie Screen

no one tell her that everyone is (still) laughing at her. seattlepi reports:
All that glitters for Mariah Carey has so far not been so golden, but that won't stop the newly emancipated Mimi from trying to transfer her recording success to film.

let me be the first to say that 'the emancipation of mimi' wasnt that good. i must also mention that i never actually heard, so take it for what it is. ive got a conspiracy theory for you: madonna is the one telling mariah to do movies, so that the viewing public will stop thinking that she's the worst musician-turned-actor. nice try midge. nice try.